Five Marriage Tips I Learned from Solving Crimes with My Husband
I thought my husband and I had a solid relationship. Then I became involved in helping/interfering with a murder investigation. It really tested our commitment to each other and helped us define our values and what is important to us. We came out of it stronger than ever, and I learned a few things I’d love to share. Just in case anyone out there is about to entangle themselves in crime solving.
1. Be honest. I was not initially very honest with my husband about where I was going and what I was doing when I first started invesigating. It was the first novel in my series, and I thought that someone had been falsely accused. My husband is the district attorney, so I thought that it was better if he didn’t know what I was up to. I was so wrong. Everything came out in the worst possible way, and I even put his career in jeopardy. If I had been honest with him up front, he may not have liked it, but he wouldn’t have been blindsided and felt so betrayed. And he may have been able to help me earlier.
2. Agree to Disagree. Sometimes you will see things differently. That’s fine! You’re different people after all. You don’t have to agree about everything. My husband and I have fundamental differences in opinion about how responsible we are for other people in our community. I didn’t really know that until we got tangled up in murder investigations. I had to accept that no amount of discussion will convince him to adopt my point of view and that’s okay. We’re still learning how to work together when our opinions differ, but I think it’s making our relationship even stronger.
3. Trust your spouse. This is a little different than being honest with your spouse because it involves how you process their words and behavior. I used to dismiss my husband’s perspective with little thought, but I’ve learned that sometimes it’s what he says that makes everything fall into place. My husband is someone I can always rely on when I am in trouble, or when I need a sounding board, or when I’ve hit a dead end. Always trust your spouse. Unless he’s the murderer. Then definitely don’t trust him.
4. Spend time together. When you’re running from one clue to the next, sometimes it can be hard to fit a date night in. My husband and I really bonded when we took the time to hunt for those clues together. Especially when we were kidnapped and locked up in a dark, confined space together for an indeterminate length of time with bodily injuries. Nothing says romance like danger and when you slueth together there’s always danger just around the corner.
5. Maintain your sense of humor. If my husband had only seen the humor in my arrest, things would have gone much more smoothly that day. But there were other times when we got it right. Like my quippy one liner after a near death experience, or when he laughed because I got my hair dyed blue while pumping a hairdresser for information. Luckily, we have hilarious teenagers who provide unending hilarity. Laughter is so healing, and it is so effective at diffusing tension in our relationship.
I hope these tips are helpful for your relationships,
whether you decide to pick up sleuthing as a hobby or not. If you prefer to
read about crime from the comfort of your chair, I’d love to share my
adventures with you!
About Longing is Violet Dusk
After a stressful foray into crime fighting, Hazel Dean is relieved to resume normality, taking care of her family and book shop--until her ability to see emotions in color pulls her into another crisis.
One night at book club, Hazel sees a swirl of jarring purple, blue and black encompass a young mother. Realizing that the woman might be in trouble, Hazel recommends a book that she hopes will provide some comfort and guidance.
To her horror, the young mother goes missing the following week. Hazel feels responsible and becomes obsessed with finding her. But the search isn't the only thing Hazel is juggling. She's also trying to help the missing woman's children, evade a young reporter, and deal with the sudden reappearance of an old high school flame.
With all of Hazel's efforts, can the missing woman be found before it's too late?
About Josalyn McAllister
Josalyn McAllister is a cozy fiction author whose most recent works include Love Over Easy and Guilt is Midnight Blue. Josalyn started writing character descriptions at the tender age of seven, inspired by the works of LM Montgomery. In her teenage years, she moved on to Newsies fan fiction. Inspired by National Novel Writing Month, she wrote her first novel about a child she mentored in college. She has never stopped writing. Josalyn taught middle school history before deciding she would rather spend time with her own children than other peoples. A restless soul, she has moved all over the country and collected an eclectic array of hobbies. Her writing has a relatable quality that will charm and entertain you.